With all this ridiculous Bennifer nonsense behind us, we can finally get some more important, pressing matters like...

All Segway Human Transporters Recalled

Good God, is there no end to the amount of crap news in the papers these days? I literally couldn't find anything in today's papers on the war, the economy, Congress (except for that dumb-ass story about the "Do Not Call" list being reinstated, but that counts as crap news too) - nothing. There's not even anything in the paper about the California Recall and that's the dumbest story of them all! Is this the best we can do newswise in this country? What has to happen to get some important news covered lately? Does there have to be a nuclear holocaust somewhere that's started by an Iraqi orphanage?!?

Oh well, the Transporter are being recalled because people are falling off of them. The company said that not enough power is being supplied from the batteries when the riders stops or speeds up suddenly, which could send them flying off the contraption. I think I speak for all upright bipedal human beings when I say that if you use one of these things in public while other people are walking, you're lucky if we don't throw you off one of those things for being so lazy.

The Segway Human Transporter is the dumbest invention in the history of mankind since the pet rock. It serves no useful transportation purpose for anyone and it just gives the little skater punks in this world one more thing to run us over with when we're walking to work. Plus we, as humans and Americans who are already among the laziest and fattest people on the planet, have now found something that replaces walking short of pretending that you're handicapped.